And they shall be called “Alumni”

I’ve been to no less than six graduation ceremonies in the past month, including a couple of my own. Everywhere and by everyone, the title “alum” is thrown around with the annoying alacrity of a champagne cork. Not that it isn’t a privilege to be an alum of these fine institutions and maybe the title’s rewards will become more apparent with time, but for now it feels like poor consolation for the loss of the momentous and worthy thing you just were.

You spend four (plus) years invested in being  a “student” in this place. Your life is defined by your endless hours of schoolwork, classes, and other activities. You always look weather beaten, especially around finals time, and you’re practically venerated for it. And yet, minutes after you graduate people think of your struggles as a thing of the past. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been alum for five days or five decades, you’re suddenly about as relevant as a Civil War veteran. You are no longer considered an authority regarding classes or school events or anything pertaining to the private workings of your school . Increasingly, you’re forced to qualify every piece of information you give with a phrase like “when I was there..”.

It’s not just credibility that you lose either. You thought your student privileges were like a birthright. You came  and went as you please. But alumni can’t do that. In fact, alumni can’t do much more than haunt the grounds they trod on as their own hours earlier. Alumni are destined to forever visit their former campuses, having no real business there but to resurrect shadows of their former glory, yet expecting a red carpet and fanfare to await their return. Heck, you’d even settle for a smile and a “Welcome back!”. Instead, you stand there reminiscing at your favourite places, silently begging for someone to acknowledge and celebrate with you those memories that you made there but no one does. Then you get elbowed by students running to get to class, who may or may not be visibly peeved at the “visitors” in their way.

So yes, I’m pleased and proud to have been a part of my schools for any length of time, to be sure. But this awkward period between a student and being whatever else this next stage will be is both humiliating and exhilarating. I’m not a big fan of labels, but not knowing what to say or do with myself this summer is weighing on me and my fellow graduates. And being constantly reminded that we are now alumni is doing nothing to help.

Movin’ on,

KRP

Why My Teddy Beats Your Teddy

There must only be a handful of people in the world who have never shared a bed with another human being. Most of us have experienced this ordeal and I am here to tell you now that there is a better alternative. I don’t care what you’re doing, at some point you will need to just lay there and sleep. For a very long time of your life in fact and quite honestly, nothing beats a teddy bear as a bed-mate. Here’s why:

• A bear does not hog the covers and leave you freezing in the middle of the night.
• A bear does not clench the covers in its hands so hard that you need pliers of death to take them apart.
• A bear does not move often, nor does it decide to do aerobics in its sleep and catapult you off your bed.
• A bear does not magically gain weight during the night so moving it over when it’s in your way isn’t as difficult as moving the Himalayan Mountains.
• A bear is more comfortable to hold than a human being. More cuddly, less sweaty, its feet are not freezing, and it doesn’t get offended if you call it fluffy.
• A bear will not feel neglected or offended if you kick or throw it out of the bed at any given moment. A bear will have no pride issues to stop it from coming back to you when you want it.
• A bear will not mind if your lights are on or off, what time you sleep or wake up, or even the amount of noise surrounding you.
• A good sized bear does not take up a significant amount of surface area.
• A bear can be used as an excellent pillow for your head or even to tuck under your arms or any other area you might want to pad.
• A bear will not keep you up talking for quality time when you need to wake up at 6am the next morning.
• A bear will never wake you up early because it has to be somewhere.
• A bear does not talk, laugh, grind its teeth, or walk when it sleeps.

Don’t even pretend that I’m not at least a little right about this.

Plush-lover,

KRP