The Art of the Appliance

Furnishing a new apartment in 10 days is a shopping triathlon. First there’s the actual apartment hunt, after a day of which your mind will feel water-logged. Then there’s the furniture hunt where you calf-muscles get a great workout in the labyrinth that is IKEA. Finally, there’s the essential hunt for all those machines that whir in some octave or another. It’s the last of these that I want to address today.

No one can doubt that technology has made some humongous leaps in the past century. A blessed day came when design met that technology and retailers and consumers alike must have sang praises. Finally having the latest technology in home appliance didn’t want to make you gouge your eyes out. Manufacturers found ways to make almost every appliance beautiful.

Behold, the toaster!

Neat

Tasty nerdiness

Or the kettle.

Can you say chic?

And the ever-terrifying scale.

You know you want to step on that.

They even thought of adding colour so it doesn’t stick our like an eye-sore in your kitchen.

Oooh, choices

But I have yet to see a vacuum cleaner I don’t despise. Years later, they still look like big hulking machines. If you think these two dirt-sucking devils are from the 50’s, think again. This is the new “cyclone technology.” Impressed?

It's like they're not even trying.

And when they don’t look like they belong in an antique store, they look like gigantic metallic beetles.

Wall-Ew

Even anthropomorphism wouldn’t help on this one. I can’t tell if it’s a grill or a gigantic Lego head.

And that's just creepy.

After a much disappointing search, I settled on this bad boy.

Oh, baby.

Is a sexy vacuum cleaner really too much to ask?

Oh and if you’re thinking, “What about the Roomba? That’s as cute as a button”: that’s a robot. Not an appliance. It doesn’t count.

KRP